Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
