pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
