How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
