Someone shit on the floor
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He did a backflip because drugs
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
