Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
