So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
