Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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