I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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