apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
