apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
