Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
