Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
