Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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