worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
