I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
