He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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