As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
