i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
