I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
