its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
