wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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