her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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