i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
