You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
