I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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