i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
