It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
