He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
