never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
