sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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