I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Randomize
