It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
