I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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