I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
smell my finger.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
