I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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