So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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