I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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