I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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