I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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