i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
