why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
