girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
