I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
