since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
