I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Who died my cat blue again?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
