yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
