Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
