I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
