i barfeds in our rink
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
