We won't sleep together?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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